Disappointed and looking for answers

Discussion in 'Personal Advice, Care & Prayers' started by NewEpiscpalian, Mar 11, 2019.

  1. NewEpiscpalian

    NewEpiscpalian New Member

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    My husband and I have been at our parish for about two years. We fell in love instantly - the people, the liturgy, everything. Recently, the rector offered a position (unpaid - a labor of love) to my husband. In reality, he was reluctant at first to accept but the rector felt it was a good fit and my husband accepted after three different offers. Literally an hour after my husband accepted the position, the rector gave the position to someone else (promised to the individual by someone in the parish who had no actual right to offer it). Needless to say, it was an odd set of events.

    The rector has no clue what mistake was made. And my husband is hurt. This was several weeks ago and nothing has been said by either party. Do we still attend Eucharist? You bet. Is it uncomfortable? Indeed. And I am at a loss. So I'm reaching out to folks in the forum, hoping and praying that an answer lies somewhere out there.

    It's difficult (understatement) to focus on worship and prayer in that space.

    BTW We've discussed going to another parish but would really miss the people we've grown close to:(
     
  2. Botolph

    Botolph Well-Known Member

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    Welcome among us. The situation is hard, I get that, and perhaps the best way is to talk to the Rector, so he is aware of the hurt that was caused, not in a confrontational way, so that they are aware and the air can be cleared.

    Peace and good will
     
  3. NewEpiscpalian

    NewEpiscpalian New Member

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    Thank you for the suggestion. It's probably a bit too "raw" at the moment but sounds like a good option for the future.
     
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  4. mediaque

    mediaque Member

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    I agree with Botolph. I believe when possible, to speak to the Rector as charitably as possible. I understand how delicate the situation is. Also you can pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit to direct you in the way of the best action to take. In the meantime, I will have ya'll in my prayers.
     
  5. NewEpiscpalian

    NewEpiscpalian New Member

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    Thank you very much for that.
     
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  6. Rexlion

    Rexlion Active Member

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    A hurt can fester until it causes bigger problems. The rector is trained to hear people's troubles and not hold anything personal against them, so most certainly he can handle and should be told the concerns you folks have.

    If nothing else, approach it as a confession during this lenten season; you need to forgive him, and you need to be forgiven for holding onto ill will for a hurt done inadvertently to you by one who is unaware.

    "Be reconciled to thy brother" --Matt. 5:24

    Love suffers long and is kind; love envies not; love flaunts not itself and is not puffed up, does not behave itself improperly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
    Love never fails. -- 1 Cor. 13:4-8
     
  7. NewEpiscpalian

    NewEpiscpalian New Member

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    Thank you for your support and ideas. We took your advice, talked with the rector, and all is well again. I was relieved at his willingness to hear our concerns and admire his graceful way of handling things. Wish we had done it earlier :) Many thanks and blessings to you all!
     
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  8. Fidei Defensor

    Fidei Defensor Active Member

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    Have you gone to the rector with your husband in private?, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”(Matthew 18:15 NLT).

    You could also ask the rector to honor the unpaid position by opening another similiar or identical position at the church.

    If you have do the above here are the further steps:

    “But if he will not listen, take one or two witnesses along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:16-17)

    “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses.” (1 Timorhy 5:19)
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2019

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