Prayer for continued consecration

Discussion in 'Personal Advice, Care & Prayers' started by BibleHoarder, Apr 30, 2019.

  1. BibleHoarder

    BibleHoarder Active Member

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    I want to say that this is a wonderful community and I have fostered a deep love for Anglicanism through it. I appreciate your fidelity and holiness in Christian practice, and thus am in need of prayer and advice. I have been on a journey of supposed sanctification, only to be tormented with doubts about the possibility of being an irredeemable reprobate. I have often embraced a lot of my mischievous, crude humor, hateful grudges, and perverted thoughts as just another form of diversity that makes me special and stand out, when really it has hurt me spiritually and others. I am also concerned about possible false humility, trying to acknowledge the sinfulness of what I've done, and seeming sorry, yet continuing in it under the claim that it's no big deal, and that I don't need to be holy to get to heaven, or that I am fine as I am. My conscience and trust in God is at times very shakey, struggling with the strength to trust him above the criticism of others based on my individual conscience, due to the fact that I knew hypocrites who hurt me deeply and said there was no hope for me, and after attempting to repent, blaspheming God, and professing hatred towards other people, even wishing for death, but I know it is wrong, and every time it happened I asked God for forgiveness and continued hoping for my continued redemption and healing. For some it's an instant change, and others an ongoing process. I am feeling more inclined as I grow in understanding of the Lord to work harder at making resolutions and changing my habits so as to embrace what he wants me to have and finally overcome these sins. But constant memories of Christians who didn't understand by eccentric behavior, even me when I had no idea why I was like this, calling me a psychopath or a hellbound sinner who is beyond repentance have tortured me spiritually. Religious abuse is something I feel very sensitive about. I hope you people understand and are praying for my recovery and inner healing and continued growth of communion with God. There's a lot of ugly things I've been fighting throughout my life and moreso in the last few years. Your prayers and encouragement are appreciated.
     

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