I have an irrational fear of the judgement and of spending eternity in Hell. This comes from being raised in a very fundamentalist branch of Pentecostalism and then spending years in Catholicism surrounded by a lot of "catholic only" fundamentalists. I remember the very day of my confirmation having to travel around and find a priest to make confession because I was told I could not receive communion that night if I'd committed Mortal Sin. I am very scrupulous. The lines between thought/deed, action/inaction/omission, etc are very blurred to me. Not ONE single confessor has ever told me anything in confession that another priest could agree on and yet I'm told the church is united. One says habit, one says grave matter, one says mortal sin, one told me I was not a schizmatic because I visit other churches because I am seeking God and one priest tells me I am a schizmatic and told me "truth is truth and BS is BS" Yes, told me that in confession. Smartly remarked he could see why I struggle with faith. I wanted to punch him so bad!!! I was born in this world, not knowing ANYTHING about God, yet being told just by being born I was deserving of Hell over some crap 2 people did EONS ago, and being raised Pentecostal was a nightmare. I am scared of God and get mad and want to blame Him for all of this. I am very scared about my future and especially death. My mom died last year and was protestant and yet I've read some catholic websites that say protestants have no excuse so that leads me to think, is my Mom in Hell? All of this just really makes me mad and sad. I would love to hear from Anglican/Episcopal clergyman on this matter. Thanks for letting me rant. I feel like exploding at times. Peace. P/S Oh yes, at my judgement when I die, will Christ take his time and pour over EVERYTHING I've done, thought, it kills me that my THOUGHTS, basic human reactions, etc will be on display for the universe. Doesn't seem fair. Oh that catholic priest who didn't think I was a schismatic, he doesn't believe in purgatory either. at least not as some fiery place. he thinks our lives are one big purgtory and the more we say yes to God, the more we PURGE, all the bad stuff, out of us. I try to become part of a church and usually leave after a week or two. I have a wandering spirit. Thanks and please, offer what you can.
Have faith my brother-- faith in what Our Lord did for us on the Cross, faith in what he did for you personally in your baptism. Christ promised that "he who believes and is baptized is saved". That is a powerful assurance because Christ does not lie. In your baptism you were marked as Christ's own FOREVER and by his own words no man, not even your own sinful self, can pluck you from his hand. Believe in that. That was God's work in you and His work never, ever fails. Also, keep these points in mind: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved-you and your household.” (Acts 16:31) “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.” (Romans 3:22) “For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from observing the law.” (Romans 3:28) “To the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.” (Romans 4:5) Salvation is God's doing. And He wants to do it. So listen to the angels. "Fear not"! Nothing can overcome God's love for you, nor His plan. Again I say, just have faith, trusting that at your appointed you will hear your Lord and Savior say to you "Truly I tell you, this day, you will be with me in Paradise."