I have often told people of my mental problems, how in the past, when young or a teenager, I often pretended to be possessed to feel control or empowerment towards people who were hurting me, mostly other Christians. I often struggled with the conflicted feeling over whether God was loving or oppressive, so at times, I would be trying to act Christian, and then suddenly say blasphemous things to someone else who claimed to be a believer who hurt me or made me doubt something that kept me comforted or sane. Just need to explain this situation to be clear. I've heard people say Charles Manson pretended to be crazy to lessen the pain of being mocked by his peers, to avoid seeming that it was wholly his fault or that it was done under sanity. I've had violent and morbid thoughts and had aggressive tendencies but am hardly a killer, of course. There was one experience I had in a public setting that was peculiar, and then another. One was at a store and I saw a lady wearing a cross. She had sort of a cold air and stern look on her face. I asked her if she was a Christian and she said "Yes, I'm Catholic." and then I tried to have a conversation with her about things pertaining to Christianity, and told her how I'd been reading apologetics about the historicity of Jesus and the reliability of the bible. Then I asked her about things pertaining to Catholicism and my doubts about it in terms of historical controversies, practices, etc. Then she began to get aggressive and confrontational, and then told me she didn't consider Protestants Christian or that you could be saved outside the Catholic church. She said a bunch of other things rudely that hurt me. I looked away and nervous I said, "I'm really scared!" and she whispered to me in a really dark, creepy way, "You should be scared!". Not being sure what to believe, I began to pretend to be a demon and spoke in a demonic voice a bunch of blasphemous things. Then switched suddenly to sanity when I began to try and argue against her, then she 'refuted' it, and said, "You say that you have relatives who have cast out demons and aren't Catholic, and supposedly you and they lead people to the Lord, and yet you talk like a demon?" Then a friend of hers, who was a bubbly, sweet-talking young lady came up to her and the woman told her friend that she was glad she had come because she wanted her to know that she couldn't be saved as a protestant, and needed to be told that she needed the catholic church. Her friend revealed that that was exactly what she came to ask her about. During this time, I was acting sane and trying to argue with them. In our previous conversation I had suggested that Fatima was demonic and she said, "Fatima is not demonic and people cannot cast out demons unless they have a priest, or it is through Satan." Then her friend said, "I've seen them cast them out in Protestant churches. But the Catholic ones are really crazy!" Then the woman nodded and said, "The protestants do not cast out demons. We have had a woman who claimed to speak in tongues. She was a protestant, and when she became Catholic, had to have demons cast out, because you cannot have those gifts outside of the Catholic church. After she converted, she got them back and uses them to witness for Catholicism. We also had a pastor who claimed to cast demons out but actually had demons in him, and had them removed when he became catholic." Then the girl said, "If they are casting demons out in the Protestant churches through Satan, that's really scary!" So the woman was using it to win her over. Then I brought up the fact that Protestants are doing more worship music to lead people to the Lord where Catholics are absent about it. I mentioned "I Can Only Imagine" and "Mary Did You Know". They both swooned over the mentioned of them, and the woman who had been debating with me paused and said, "Yes, I love those songs. But here's the sad thing. They are not written by Catholics. A lot of people are singing them thinking they'll be in heaven with Jesus and they won't because they are not catholic!" Then she paused again and said, "Actually, don't listen to I Can Only Imagine. It's not a good song. It's sappy. And most Christian worship is not appropriate for church, most of it is very bad. And as for Mary Did You Know, unless a Catholic is singing it, do not even listen to that." Then the girl she was talking to who was Protestant began to have a sort of 'slain in the spirit' moment. She began to weep and suddenly fell down paralyzed and mumbling incomprehensible words. The woman caught her and said, "This is why it's important to tell you this to save your soul. I will tell you all about Fatima, and Lourdes, and the Infant Jesus of Prague, then you will see that they are not demonic, then you can enter the church, and take sacraments, and begin working for your salvation." Then the girl said (in a mumbling voice) while crying, "What's the infant Jesus of prague?" The woman said, "Yes, there is an infant Jesus vision. It is a very beautiful story, and I will tell you all about it." Then the girl was weeping and saying, "I wont listen to it anymore! That song!" And the woman nods saying, "Yes, that's good. There is better music in the Catholic church." Then the woman's boyfriend came to her and he seemed sort of in a dazed, careless mood. He saw the girl laying and said, "Why is she on the floor?" Then his girlfriend looked at him and explained what was happening. The woman told her boyfriend that I probably had a demon and how I said I'd like to tear her boobs off and put her menstrual blood in the eucharist (one of the awful things that I had said to her during a bout of rage). The boyfriend shrugged and said, "The eucharist is the...uhm...When the priest has everyone saying..." and the woman goes, "No, that's liturgy. Eucharist is communion. I thought you were a Catholic!" Then I said, (out of spite): "You guys are probably watching porn". The boyfriend shrugged again and said, "Yeah, we do look at that." And the woman objects, saying, "I Do NOT look at porn!" She denied it several times. The boyfriend goes, "Sure, we watched it sometimes. We've BEEN having sex. And we had sex just the other day. You never said anything bad about it since we've been doing it, and we're into kinky stuff, like bondage. And I watch lesbians and you are into gay guys. Doesn't the Catholic church say something about being gay? What's up with that?" She was just stunned and speechless from being exposed. Then says, "OK, no more porn. And no more sex. Maybe you have a demon in you. Porn can give you demons." The boyfriend says, "Maybe you've got one since you've been looking at it too. Practice what you preach and stop talking about everyone else's salvation. Maybe she's got one too." Then the woman turns around and begins to leave and says, "We'll see about that. We're going to have to talk about this and if we can't resolve it, we're breaking up." Then she walks off, carrying her spirit-slain friend by her side. (Somewhere in this narrative the boyfriend revealed he didn't actually believe in God, and she said he can't be taking sacraments in that fashion. This is the best I can remember in what order everything happened, but it may not have actually happened entirely in this sequence, but something along these lines.) So now you know about my mental problems, and how some of my encounters with people in public on matters of faith has been. In the followup post, I am going to explain how I related this account to a popular protestant Christian rock group after meeting them at a concert, and how it influenced their mission. Feel free to leave feedback about this story in-between or after posts, whichever. I'd like to hear from you. Apologies if my writing wasn't the most polished this time. It was a lot to recount.