One confused seeker!

Discussion in 'The Commons' started by geebee, Jan 3, 2014.

  1. geebee

    geebee New Member

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    It seems my life is gradually taking shape after marrying the lady of my dreams last year, also we are blessed with that we are going to have a baby! :)

    We are full of plans and ideas, although personally I continue to be in a state of spiritual confusion that continues to bog me down mentally and causes no end of emotional pressure & turmoil.


    For over the last 15 years I've been a practicing Pagan (%75 of the time), I've started and led groups, got people together finding like-minded friends then watched their confidence rise, although personally I’m beginning to not have any depth of spiritual satisfaction and seeking to commune with God.


    Since around 2008 I've had a growing interest in Christianity & It’s history, I visited St Therese in Lisieux on a camping trip and have never really been the same since. Since then I took a long drive to Lourdes after my divorce for no particular reason and then back home I tried to go to mass on a number of occasions. I always felt a bit awkward at mass and eventually stopped going. I much prefer trying to find a Church that is open so I can go and have some quiet time for contemplation and prayer. Although finding a open Church is not easy, I have to drive half an hour to find one, so it can’t be spontaneous with needed.


    I went to a Catholic experience retreat a few years ago where one of the monks tried to purge me of ‘demons’, although it was a nice weekend with some lovely people. And more recently enjoyed a silent retreat which was fantastic although it still didn’t help me on a particular path.

    I enjoy reading books on Christian history/saints and self helps books involving monastic traditions on silence etc. and also enjoy watching those epic Bible based movies to improve my knowledge base! I even like to log-on to the Lourdes webcam so I can revisit my trip there back in 2009, and sometimes stream masses out of curiosity.


    I don't really consider myself a Pagan and I don't consider myself a Christian. I still practice Paganism as I have many good friends involved who have always looked out for me, although I do believe in one God and find it difficult to have a pantheon, and in the end I consider them to be more spirits of nature connected to the one God, or something like that!


    Over that last few years I have fluctuated between my Paganism and exploring Christianity within Catholicism. It’s like I go through phases and eventually Christianity takes over for a while then suddenly I’m back into Paganism, although I’m beginning to struggle to find inspiration there. Not that I don’t enjoy being in nature or communing with the Celtic history which surrounds me here in Wales, but there lacks a personal spiritual depth in which I’m craving more and more for. Plus if I was going to further my spiritual path what route should I take as there are so many variations of Christianity, I’m not actually sure what would suit me best. (Catholic, Anglican, Quakers etc…)

    Being someone who wants to simplify life and spirituality I look at Quakerism as that speaks of this simplicity loudly although this may not possibly have enough depth, plus I do love being in Churches & the monastic life fascinates me!


    So, why am I writing this now? I guess I’m reaching out for pointers, ideas, thoughts & suggestions that may help me along. It’s getting very frustrating being a seeker, being in the middle of things and a part of me wants to say bugger to it all, although in the same breath I can’t help but enjoy the journey! I just wish it was a lot more clearly focused so that I can devote my energy to one area and grow.

    With my greatest thanks,

    Graham.
     
    Lowly Layman likes this.
  2. Lowly Layman

    Lowly Layman Well-Known Member

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    Graham, congratulations on your new family. A wife and children are some of God's greatest blessings on this side of Glory. If you want some pointers on Anglicanism as it has been traditionally understood, then this is a great resource. You can read a number of historic Anglican works in the online documents section. I highly recommend John Jewel's Apology. It will give a clear picture of what makes, and has made for almost 500 years, Anglicanism, unique from both Roman Catholicism and continental Protestantism. An authoritative source would be the book of common prayer, where you'll find the catechism and the Articles of Religion. These documents form the fundamental building blocks of Anglicanism. But first and foremost, I urge you to prayerfully read the bible. It is the very word of God and the ground of all truth.

    Happy seeking!
     
    Peteprint likes this.
  3. geebee

    geebee New Member

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    Thank you for the reply and I completely agree that I should read the Bible.
    So I've started doing so, starting with Mark. I also like the idea of Lectio Divina, as you said, reading the Bible prayerfully. :)
    I've also decided that this year will be a year of visiting places accross the UK of spiritual sacred importance and building a connection. Perhaps a couple of pilgrimages, and I'm lucky enough not to be too far away from St Davids in West Wales.

    Thanks again, perhaps it's the journey that counts!
     
    Lowly Layman likes this.
  4. Peteprint

    Peteprint Well-Known Member Anglican

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  5. geebee

    geebee New Member

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    I've just bought the first course book in a series recently started by the Church of England entitled 'Pilgrim'.
    This should be a nice challenge to myself, if you can call it a challenge!
     
  6. nkygreg

    nkygreg Member

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  7. Tee4

    Tee4 New Member

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    Hi Graham,

    The Book, 'Practising the presence of God' by Brother Lawrence is considered a great work on developing a spiritual life, by both Catholic’s and none Catholic’s alike. The instructions by brother Lawrence do however, require perseverance before you get a breakthrough into the depth of spirituality he speaks of. So if you are single minded and desire to develop a powerful spiritual life, it come through knowing the triune God in an intimate way and we get there through practising his presence.


    Wishing great success on your journey,

    Tee :)